We are all familiar with the loaves and fish story, right? If not, check it out in the bible TWICE in John 6.1-14 and also recorded in Matthew 14.13-21. It’s a great recording of one of the many miracles that Jesus performed. Many times I whispered to myself loaves and fishes when I was doing something and I didn’t think I had all the resources, food, funds, space…
First time I whispered this to myself was when I hosted a small group for our youth ministry for an entire weekend in our small, yet cozy, mill house. I didn’t have much space, nothing grand, only 1 bathroom (for like 8 females), and my house was full of hand me down décor from my mom, sister, and aunts. But it was one of the best weekends and I can say it lead me deeper into my relationship with Jesus. Another time was when we were preparing and fundraising to make our move to Brazil, with thousands of dollars to raise and the determination to keep going in spite of doubt, I was almost chanting this to myself for that period of time.
I feel like I can safely say that many people read this recording and immediately think about how Jesus truly provides with the little we have. And yes! This is TRUE. But have you ever looked at it from the angle of the little boy that actually handed over the 5 loaves of Barley and the two fish? Why didn’t this boy take off running and have a nice picnic all to himself? In the scriptures, it says that there was an estimated 5 thousand men. That is not even counting the women and children. I am not a scholar, but I would bet there was many more than 5,000 glaring at Jesus, salivating for spiritual and physical food.
Recently, I had to come to terms and see that I still had some anger choking me deep within that I thought I had dealt with. But, thanks to cross-cultural adapting, things deep within the pits of your soul that you thought had been taken care of will float right back up to the surface and bob up and down violently, in a way that is completely surprising. This anger was that buoy just bobbing at the surface of my life. After many days of truly wrestling with this and the best way to handle it, I realized that EVERY. SINGLE. PIECE. had to be given to Jesus, just like the little boy gave the barley and the fish. I have no problem with sharing but I do struggle a great deal with submission. See, Jesus takes our burdens, well we need to give them over willingly, and once we do this-
Spiritual nourishment happens.
Not only in our lives, but it will be planted in the lives of others. That spiritual nourishment may very well happen in the heart of that individual in which I was dreaming of putting in a headlock and yelling at them the long list of hurts that they had placed upon me, explaining their life- long habit of selfishness. That spiritual nourishment poured into me when I emptied my basket of loaves and fishes that I had buried deep within me, that I had been keeping all to myself to feed my victim mentality when I wanted to have a dip in it and nibble on it every now and again. I could have gone off and isolated myself, had that single person picnic that the little boy didn’t have, and chosen to lash out or respond in the flesh (only to make the hurts worse). Doing any of those would not have resulted in spiritual nourishment for myself or for the other person. Instead, would leave a filling of spiritual malnourishment. And TRUE spiritual nourishment leads to the miracle of healing. Some situations take time, some take counselling, but be aware of the heaviness deep with in the pits of your life and take them head on. See them for what they are, call them out! And then hand them over, willingly, and feel the spiritual nourishment start to cultivate in your life.
Hold onto His words, fill up your appetite with His goodness and His wisdom!
‘’I am the bread of life, No one who comes to me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in me will ever be thirsty again.’’