I remember watching our son at a young age scream and squabble as he tried to put socks on. (He has thicker heels and socks are always a battle for him). Our family sat in the den, ready to exit the house and waiting patiently on him. He was so mad, face red, glaring at me. I would not get up and do it for him. I calmly coached him through it and reminded him that he can do it. Once he achieved both socks ,about 35 minutes later, he was winded from all the expelling of his anger.
Tears came to my eyes as I felt the Holy Spirit remind me that I am that way sometimes. If I had gotten up and intervened by following my motherly- take- control- instincts. What would he have learned?
This last 6 months I struggled with feeling unsettled. I longed for a home. I wanted to pick out pretty art and buy me a sweet doggy to warm up our home. I felt a grief pain when I would hear people excited about the furniture they bought or a fun change they were making to their home. I ended up buying some small tomato plants to help, and it kind of did!
I questioned if we were ruining our childrens’ social skills by bouncing between the states and Brazil in this season. I listened to my kids complain about both countries and I wept at night for peace to rule their hearts. I listened to a school official passively shame us for educating our kids in Brazil. One morning, after a heavy day of grief and faulting myself for their lack of peace, I sat in the quiet intimate presence of Jesus and my heart was moved to ask for forgivenes, “Please forgive me Lord for giving myself that much power. Help me to recognize where I am powerless and you are all powerful”.
I had struggled with trusting God with the hearts and feelings of my children while they were having their own deep struggles. Other areas of my life, I easily surrender to Him and trust. But I was grabbing onto the hearts of my precious ones, holding them close, and giving myself more power over them than I could ever have. I had a few seconds where I was debating on moving towards a decision that I knew was not the Lord’s will, but my kids would like the decision- just to ease their hearts.
After some weeks and much prayer, I noticed a slow moving change in them. They were more peaceful. They were excited about our return to Brazil. They were not constantly complaining and wanting all the things to want (in an effort to achieve peace by materialism).
As their mom, I simply needed to be beside them, listening to them, loving them, helping them know that they are understood, but letting them struggle… just like our son did on the couch that evening with his socks. Without my dependence on Christ and without leading our kids to be dependent on Christ, it is impossible to do His will- the will that brings an overflowing and abundance of peace.. below is scripture that has helped me in this time…
“I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]”
Philippians 4:13 AMP
“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”
Romans 12:2 AMP
“Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in [union with] Him [reflecting His character in the things you do and say—living lives that lead others away from sin],”
Colossians 2:6 AMP